Can’t sleep. Brain dump.

It’s 3:09am. I have been up since around 2:00am. The main reason I woke up is because my little baby dude has the croup and we are on chicken pox watch. Also, it is the first hot night of the year, and I’ve been worried that the temperature in his room may drop at any second and he may be left feeling too cold, which might worsen his condition. At 2:30 am I finally heard his barky cough. I ran to his side. He didn’t seem fazed by it, just went right back down to sleep, which made me think I should probably just do the same. Been awake ever since.

Then the stream of consciousness started: why did my friend push the ‘Delete Account’ button on our friendship after it looked as though I was going to be unable to make the Louie show we were going to attend together? (which, by the way, I ended up giving up my ticket for way too prematurely, as I *would have* been able to make it after all). She just chose that moment to stop the friendship. I guess if the relationship was so fragile then if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else soon after. Not a loss I should mourn, but I thought about it tonight because my husband reminded me of it randomly tonight. After that, I picked up my phone and started downloading Stitcher episodes. After that I started thinking about the audiobook of Mark Cuban’s “Winning at the Sport of Business” book (a compilation of his best blogs), and how it’s making me feel like I’m wasting time just by lying there and sleeping. Then I started thinking about the Start Up podcast, and how I could totally be recording the early stages of my business (Ina Nutshell, LLC) on my Ina Nutshell Podcast, and how right now I just have $10 in my business bank account. I could be cronickling my baby’s cough, and how powerful it would be to record a podcast whispering because it’s the middle of the night and I should be sleeping, but I can’t seem to be able to turn my brain off. Also, on a possibly related note, I have allergies which are being super annoying and not letting me shut an eye.

So, I stopped resisting and came downstairs to blog. Because that’s what I do. Write stuff down. Maybe if I can empty my brain, or plan my week, or whatever, I will be able to go back to sleep for another couple of hours. I have a client meeting at 11am, and I’m afraid I will look like death after all the allergy-induced eye-rubbing I’ve been doing tonight, plus the fact I only got 4 hours of sleep and the previous nights were not any better.

OK, brain dump time:

  • Ended friendship because of Louis CK. Write a funny blog post about it? Maybe when I’m rich and famous (cuz you know that’s inevitably in my near future, right?) I will get to tell this story to Louis CK himself, and tell him how he cost me a friendship. Maybe he’ll find it hilarious. Maybe I’m underestimating how much older than me he is, and how when I’m R&F he’ll be like 80 years old and not lucid enough to even care. (I googled the age difference, he’s 13 years 7 months 18 days older than I am)
  • That new girl in Sillicon Valley is kind of cool. Reminds me of who I thought I wanted to be in college. Having hacking weekends sounds like a blast: a weekend where you just eat, drink, code and go to the bathroom (not necessarily in that order).
  • I wish I could spend more time writing mobile apps. Right now I’m in the requirements gathering phase of the app, which I know is a SUPER necessary step (I’m a project manager, so duh), but I really wish I could just START. It would not be very efficient or focused, though, and it would not guarantee at all that I would be able to launch a product in any given point in time in the future… so yeah, I really need to get my MVP (minimum viable product) straight.
  • I gave my podcast episode to a client of mine, and she said she would listen. I wish I could forget whether I did that or not so that I wouldn’t be expecting a response. Can’t stop thinking of that song I composed for my husband during that episode.
  • Wish I could just go to sleep.
  • I have 2 websites I should be working on right now, and I am doing it so late at night that my efficiency is through the floor. I have to start getting up early and doing it before I go to work, or take some time off work to do it. Or take some time some weekend to HACK IT and get it done.
  • I feel guilty about leaving my husbad to take care of our baby alone. I know he can do it. I know he doesn’t resent me when he has to. But I still feel like an absentee mother who should be prioritizing spending time with her 3.5 year old than doing some silly websites.
  • My patient clients would not appreciate my calling their websites “silly”
  • I’m hungry.
  • My eyes hurt from all the scratching. I wish the hurt could help me get some shut-eye.
  • Should I plan my week?
  • I am tired. I don’t think I should be doing any more work tonight.
  • I’m afraid of going to sleep because I may be staring at the ceiling for a while.
  • I’m afraid of having too many pick-up-and-put-down projects and I’ll never finish anything.
  • Yesterday was mother’s day, and I feel loved by my family. I’m thankful for my mom and my husband and baby. I have a beautiful family support structure.
  • I don’t know what I should be doing with this awakeness right now. Do websites? Jump into work-work? Watch TV? What does my body need?
  • My husband and I hosted our family for mother’s day, and he took care of the cleanup 100%. I really appreciated that. He wanted to do it. (“Why would I WANT to do the dishes??”)
  • I just read a whole article on How to do things for your partner that would make you feel appreciated and 30 things men wish women knew. I don’t feel like my husband and I particularly need to discuss these articles in depth, but they were a fun (and educational) read.
  • It is almost 4am. Should I just stay awake? I feel more awake now than I was when I started writing this.
  • I just called in “baby” sick at work. Haven’t had much sleep all weekend, and baby is on chicken pox watch after his croup and fever last night. Better to stay.
  • I’m hungry.
  • Now that I’m staying home, I can think more long-term about today. I can always go back to bed later.
  • I just looked up how much to charge for website ad space. Will need this for girlPOWERcode.
  • I really want to start the powercode videos, but what is stopping me is the money because I haven’t created the set or bought the materials to make the t-shirts. At the same time, I know these are excuses. I could be starting a lot sooner in planning and setting up lessons. I also know I want to get my app up and running in the store so I can start talking about that, but I have a million other topics to discuss, so this is not really a requirement either. Gotta get on that.
  • It is 4:11am.
  • I don’t think I’ll be going to bed. Might as well get some work done. Let’s do that.

Thanks for listening to my rant.


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